I should have written throughout the course of the last week and a half, but I didn't, and of course now I don't remember all those moments that seemed so important. I guess maybe that's what I should take from this, is that they seemed life changing while they were happening, and now only a week later and they really aren't that important.
My ex and I tried to communicate a few times the last week or so, about trying to see each other before he moves. And now he is saying he doesn't want to be my friend on facebook because it makes things to difficult for him. So I made the decision to let him go completely, and I need to stand by this decision, regardless of what weakness may fill me. Let him make mistakes and love someone else, even if I can't understand it. I am thankful that he didn't love me enough. I will allow myself to love me.
Here is a moment that I remember from last week. Wednesday afternoon I had to take my car to get inspected, and I didn't want to sit in the mechanics while it was worked on. So I walked through my old neighborhood and found myself in the small park where there was a playground for children, and I sat for awhile and read my book. A women came with her three boys and they stared at me and made comments, but I continued to sit and read. I allowed myself to be completely alone in that moment, and while I only stayed a half an hour, I was very proud of myself. It felt amazing to give myself time. I need to continue to practice this in other ways. I was thinking about taking myself to the movies. Probably a Sunday Matinée to start, but I think I could handle it. I should start my day and do something for myself, again :)
